i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
