The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
