the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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