hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
