I am spending my child support on dildos
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
