I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
