just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
