a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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