My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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