I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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