I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
