i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
