So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
