I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
