You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
