but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
