I'm so fucking centered right now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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