Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
