i think my tv is drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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