So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
