now i know why i became what i already was.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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