So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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