Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
