if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
