He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
