So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
