hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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