I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
