he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
