shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
