Can i not drive my cunt home
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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