Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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