My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
