Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
