im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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