You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i think im in europe. pls send help
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
