Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
