This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
