I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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