its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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