she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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