I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
