so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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