i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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