I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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