He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
