sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
