Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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