Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
