we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
