My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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