You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
