I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
