i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
