well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
