but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
