There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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