He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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